SES: Early Childhood Behaviors & "All Those Big Feelings!"

     I have worked in early childhood settings for a long time so I have had the opportunity to witness a lot of "big emotions" from little ones.  Everything from jumping up and down in excitements all the way to a full on tantrum or "meltdown."   Very young children are just learning what feelings are so it makes sense that they don't have a lot of tools for managing those emotions yet.  That's where parents and teachers come in.

    One of the most important ways that we can help children handle strong feeling is by talking about them.  "Joey knocked down your tower.  That made you mad!"  I recently came across an excellent article on how and why to talk about feelings in preschool.  This article sums it up perfectly.  For more information about how any why we do this in preschool, you can check it out the article here:

http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2015/04/13/the-benefits-of-helping-preschoolers-understand-and-discuss-their-emotions/

    The second way that teachers can help children handle big feelings is by giving them tools to be successful.  I have been working in early childhood settings a long time and I can say, from experience, that one thing that can throw off my whole schedule is a lengthy tantrum.  With this in mind, I set up my (family childcare) space with "calm down spot."  I spent a fair amount of time creating this space and I teach every child how to use it.  The first photo is the calm down space in my classroom.

 What is it?  It's a cozy cube (Sold at Costco.com and other retailers)  The cozy cube is NOT a time out.  It's a place the kids can go when they feel frustrated, sad, or angry.
What's inside? A soft mat on bottom, cozy pillows, books, water bottle filled with glitter, small squishy toys
How do I "teach" kids to use it: I model using it myself.  I wrote a simple story about using it. (My tower fell down.  I am feeling mad/frustrated.  I can take a break in the cube!  Now I feel better. :-)  I also read stories during circle time about kids who get upset and need to take a break.  We talk about where we can "take a break."

Some of my favorite feeling books are:

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dayby Judith Viorst (Ages 4-8)

Andrew’s Angry Words by Dorothea Lackner (Ages 4-8)

Bootsie Barker Bites by Barbara Bottner (Ages 4-8)

The Chocolate Covered Cookie Tantrum by Deborah Blementhal (Ages 5-8)

How I Feel Frustrated by Marcia Leonard (Ages 3-8)

How I Feel Angry by Marcia Leonard (Ages 2-6)

Llama Llama Mad at Mama by Anna Dewdney (Ages 2-5)

Sometimes I’m Bombaloo by Rachel Vail (Ages 3-8)

That Makes Me Mad! by Steven Kroll (Ages 4-8)

The Rain Came Down by David Shannon (Ages 4-8)

When I’m Angry by Jane Aaron (Ages 3-7)

When I’m Feeling Angryby Trace Moroney (Ages 2-5)  

Calm Down Time by Elizabeth Hardvick (Toddlers)

When Sophie Gets Angry – Really, Really Angry by Molly Garrett (Ages 3-7

   If you are looking for inspiration for your very own calm down space, here are a few ideas from classrooms I have visited over the years.  In this classroom, they were short on space so they separated two low shelves.  (Note: These shelves were very heavy duty and did not have wheels)

      In this classroom, they used a round hollowed out container and filled it with cozy pillows.  The kids loved it.

   For more inspiration, I recommend Pinterest.  Search: Preschool calm down spot.


     The third biggest thing that I see in early childhood setting is, "Everything is the end of the world!!!" As the teacher, you will be helping another child build a really cool block tower when all of a sudden you hear, "TEACHER, TEACHER, SHE STOLE THE BLUE BLOCK."  You look over at the table and see that there are at least 20 other identical blue blocks the child could have picked up. You shake your head in exasperation and go over to assist with the "crisis."

     This was my dilemma, but I discovered another way.  It's called the "Is this a big deal game?"

(Sorry, it's not available in stores but Google "big deal or little deal preschool" it and you can print other people's images)  I make up my own cards with pictures based on the common problems I see in my classroom.

     Here is how it works:  The photo above is my board.  I have a bunch of small laminated cards with pictures on them.  When we start the game, we talk about what a big deal is.  (Something that is difficult/scary, and you would need a grown ups help with)  We also talk about things that are no big deal.  (eg: the teacher put broccoli on my plate and I don't like it)  As we play the game, (always in small groups with no more than 3-4 kids) we solve the no big deal problems.  For example, the kids with blue blocks.  We decided that the child who was upset could just get another blue block.  In my setting, it has significantly reduced the day-to-day peer conflict you usually see in preschool settings.  The kids are getting very good at knowing when then can handle it (No big deal) and when they need an adult to help solve a problem.

Some examples of my big deal cards
There is a thunderstorm
My mom is having a baby
Someone is hitting

Medium Deal
My best friend is playing with someone else

Little Deal
There is broccoli on my plate

     If you need more resource for managing strong feelings and solving peer conflicts, my "go to" resource is: http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/strategies.html.  They have tons of free resources on this site.